Impulse Control
Our emotions are information.
It is so important to pay attention to our emotional experiences to properly grow and heal. Our emotions are a tool for us to get our conscious mind in touch with our subconscious experience. Oftentimes our emotions and bodies respond to an experience before we are even aware of what is causing those feelings.
That being said, sometimes our immediate reaction to the more difficult emotions, such as loneliness or anger, can cause us to act impulsively.
This might look like raising our voice at someone, making a reckless decision that endangers our own safety, or misusing substances in a way that might lead to us endangering others.
In order to better manage these experiences, it is essential that we are in tune with our emotions enough to understand where they are coming from. Sometimes this takes time.
There are a few steps we can take to manage our emotional relations and better control our impulses.
Body Awareness
Staying mindful of any sensations we experience throughout our body can provide clear indicators of our internal emotional experience. For example, if our stomach begins to get a fluttering feeling, our hands become shaky, or our chest becomes heavy, this might be an indicator that we are feeling anxious
Emotional Responsiveness
Our emotions might respond to these bodily reactions within a split second. If we are unaware of why we are experiencing a specific emotion, we are typically uncomfortable with sitting in this emotion and tend to react immediately without any rationalization.
Impulse Interventions
Within this split second of a bodily sensation or emotion making itself known, we have a choice to pause. We have an opportunity to sit with this emotion and bodily sensation, as uncomfortable as it might be, and change the trajectory of how we respond by allowing TIME.
Taking a pause
Taking a pause requires time. For example, if you have an urge to reach out to someone in your past like a previous partner or a family member you have chosen to distance yourself from, pause and reflect on where that is coming from. Give yourself an hour, a day, a week, or however long you need to pause and reflect on whether this is a response to a fleeting emotion or a conscious choice based on something deeper. .
Decision making
An impulsive action is NOT a conscious choice. It may only be a matter of seconds from when our mind/body receives the information that we are experiencing an uncomfortable emotion to when we take action. We have to incorporate a new step here. Making a conscious decision requires pausing and reflecting, and being able to decipher between the desire to escape an emotion (by responding in an impulsive way) and what our intuition is telling us to do.
The key here is time.
If you commonly find yourself in situations where you look back and regret/feel confused about how you have reacted to someone or something, that is a good indicator that there needs to be more time built between your internal emotional response and your external reaction.
It is so frustrating when our external selves do not reflect our internal selves. This is where so much miscommunication and misunderstandings happen.
It can be such a lonely and confusing feeling.
The reality is that we are a mixture of both our internal and external self.
If our emotions and actions are not reflecting one another, we can begin to feel insecure, question our identity, and feel that no amount of validation from others fulfills that part of ourselves we are searching for. When we don’t pay any attention to our emotions, we will impulsively react to them. Perhaps without even realizing we are doing it. To prevent this cycle from continuing, we simply must be more in tune with our emotions. We can use our emotional reactions, as uncomfortable as they might be, as a tool to provide us with the information we need to make the right decision for us.
Of course, all of this being said, there are appropriate times for our impulses to take control. If we are experiencing a health emergency, a natural disaster, or a crisis, it’s necessary for our impulses (fight or flight response) to take over! In many other situations, however, this step by step process of taking space can be extremely beneficial in our lives, our relationships, our work, and our self esteem.
About The Author
Hannah Brooks, APCC, AMFT is an associate therapist at Whole Wellness Therapy and has extensive experience working with marginalized populations in our community. Hannah is passionate about working with teens and adults struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem issues, substance use issues, codependency, grief and loss, or any range of challenges that are preventing someone from being where they want to be in life. She is also drawn to working with individuals who are seeking a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships with others.
