High-achievers are driven by ambition and the pursuit of excellence. While having drive and determination can lead to remarkable accomplishments, it can also take a significant toll on our mental health. The relentless pursuit of success can lead to stress, burnout, and a diminished sense of well-being.

Oftentimes, our resistance to leaving, or rather expanding our comfort zone, is merely due to our fear of failure. But we neglect to recognize the fact that we are already setting ourselves up for failure by refusing to try. Where there is no risk, there is no change.

Humans are narrative creatures, and we make meaning of the experiences that we have in our lives. Our nervous system is no different. Our nervous system state (Ventral Vagal, Sympathetic, and Dorsal Vagal Shutdown) sends signaling to our brains which gets interpreted through story–the same is true for the state of our nervous system.

There are rare moments in life where it really feels like it’s you against the world. Moments when all you have is memories of the connections you’ve shared. Moments where you’ve gone through all the waves of emotion that come with grief, loss, and heartbreak.

The first thing we do when we are in pain is seek relief. That is our human instinct. The more intolerable the pain, the more urgently we seek for an instant solution. Our thoughts become consumed only with ideas of how we can stop the pain, and our fears come into their fullest form as we begin to worry that if we don’t find something to stop the pain, it will never stop.

It is so important to pay attention to our emotional experiences to properly grow and heal. Our emotions are a tool for us to get our conscious mind in touch with our subconscious experience. Oftentimes our emotions and bodies respond to an experience before we are even aware of what is causing those feelings. That being said, sometimes our immediate reaction to the more difficult emotions, such as loneliness or anger, can cause us to act impulsively.

There are so many mixed messages in our society, families and social groups that cause confusion on what healthy looks like. There are messages that being healthy means we have everything figured out, that we have no self-esteem issues, that we are able to manage our feelings and emotions without involving other people, or that we have our diet and weight under control. 

It’s so easy to project our self esteem onto everyone and everything but ourselves. Sometimes this can look like needing excessive amounts of validation from others, basing our own value on our achievements, or deriving our confidence from our appearance. The problem with these examples is that they are all external. Having a high self esteem will never be sustainable as long as it’s coming from anywhere outside of ourselves.

Many of us were raised to be “polite.” Although there’s nothing wrong with being friendly and courteous to others, this idea has often translated to a sacrificial way of operating in relationships with others. Along with being polite, many of us were also taught to make sure we are considerate of other people’s feelings before we give any credit to our own and that it’s selfish to put ourselves first. 

Many parents are finding it difficult to talk with their children about social media. The first thing you want to ask yourself before you confront your child with a conversation about social media is ‘do you understand the apps your child is using?’ If the answer is no, you should do some basic research about how these apps work. You can read articles about them or watch documentaries, but nothing beats making a profile and seeing how it works. You can make your own profile and add your child to see how they are using the app, or make up an entirely new persona and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

With the recent release of “The Social Dilemma” on netflix, people have been looking at their social media use with a new eye. This documentary-drama raises many of the same concerns that whistleblowers at social media companies have been bringing up for years now. Common concerns have been centered on how social media changes our thoughts and in turn changes our behavior (similar to the connection that drives therapy outcomes: the thought-feeling-action cycle).

A growing number of recent graduates are experiencing “post-grad depression.” While there has been much written about depression during college, there isn’t a great guide to dealing with depression after college. We decided to look into it. In this post, we discuss some common symptoms, causes and solutions to post grad depression.

In modern life it is very common to become disconnected from the ones around us. When this disconnection is the result of being excluded by others, the effect on our mental health can be very serious. We may have experienced abandonment as children, with ghosts of our experience still haunting us. We may also be (or feel) abandoned as adults by our loved ones, whether that be by friends, family or romantic partners. In any of these cases, it is best to think of abandonment as a type of trauma.

The period after the birth of your first child is one of the most difficult for any relationship. In fact “67% of couples... reported a decline in relationship satisfaction after the arrival of the first baby. The decline typically shows up between six months (for women) and nine months (for men) after the baby comes home.”

Note: It’s our philosophy at Whole Wellness Therapy that knowledge is power, which is why we asked the therapists in our Sacramento-based practice about some of the common changes that couples face and what can be done to best deal with them. While this advice should help you better understand your situation, many people find benefit in talking with a licensed therapist who has experience working with the issues you struggle with.

Many people have experienced betrayal in some form or another, but very few think of it as a traumatic event. In fact, when most people hear the word “trauma” they immediately think of war veterans or people who have experienced physical or sexual abuse.

So you have someone in your life who has anxiety, and you want to help? You’ve come to the right place. First, know that anxiety is a natural and healthy reaction, but if you “help” in the wrong way, even with the best of intentions, it can drive the one you’re trying to help farther away and leave the situation worse than when you found it. In my own practice, I have seen partners, friends and family members struggle with what to do and that’s why I have decided to make this guide “How to help someone with anxiety”.

Grief can be a very isolating process for many people. Even more, for those who feel like they have to grieve at someone else’s speed. I’ve had clients tell me that they felt supported for awhile, like during the funeral or memorial, but not long after, they got the sense from those around them that they should be “over it” already.

A teenager’s self-esteem can be hugely influenced by their peers, which has really always been the case. But in today’s world, that influence stretches far and wide.

We all remember our teenage years. For some of us, high school was a cool place where we got to see our friends every day, showed our school spirit at rallies and football games, got to go to dances, explored the dating world for the first time, and occasionally concentrated on classwork. For others of us, high school was a place of dread where we went for eight hours every day, got picked on, didn’t fit in, and couldn’t wait to never go back. And for even others of us, it was some combination of cool and dread that fluctuated each day, and sometimes even within the day.

For a long time now, we’ve been taught to think that the only thing that matters when it comes to our food is the number of calories eaten. This obsession has led to us not paying much attention to the quality of our food (i.e. how nutrient dense the foods we eat are). To top it all off, the busyness of our lives often leaves us searching for what is quick, easy and affordable—after all, when you’re feeling rushed already, trying to eat healthy can feel like a giant burden!

Many of the people that I work with, or have worked with in the past, have suffered from some form of abuse or another—whether emotional, physical, spiritual, financial or sexual abuse. The reality is that abuse doesn’t discriminate, and people from all walks of life, cultures, socioeconomic status, race, and so on, can suffer from abuse.

For those of you who may still be on the fence about whether or not your relationship is abusive, however, reflect for a moment on the following (the opposite of an abusive relationship):

There has been a lot of recent talk about mindfulness, but the reality is that mindfulness has been around for a very long time. In fact, mindfulness practice can be traced back and found in many religious and philosophical traditions—from orthodox christianity, to buddhism, to stoicism, and more.

Almost everyone can relate: we've all said and/or done things that we wish we hadn't when we were upset. The reality is, our emotions can sometimes get us into trouble. But why does this happen? The most common reason for this is that when our emotions peak, they start to take over—something in the clinical world that we like to call emotional dysregulation.

Growing up, the way we learn to cope with stress is mainly through watching how our parents and others cope with stress. Thus, if we see others coping with stress in maladaptive ways, we are likely to cope with stress in a similar fashion. Similarly, if we had parents who invalidated or minimized our emotions growing up, such as telling us to not to cry, etc., we might learn ineffective ways of coping or dealing with our problems.

Contrary to popular ideas about multitasking, when we attempt to do too many things at one time, especially if we are trying to do complex tasks, we end up being less effective and less productive. This can result in something called cognitive overload. Basically, just like a computer crashes, our brain shuts down, drastically limiting our ability to process all that is coming in. We often speak about this as being, or feeling overwhelmed or anxious. It’s kind of like trying to take a drink from a firehose, for example—it’s not very effective and we end up feeling more frustrated and stressed than when we started.

People often come to me feeling confused about how they are feeling. They wonder, “Am I anxious? Depressed? A combination of both? Or something else altogether?” To me, this is not surprising.

When we go through trauma, our brains don’t function like they normally do. We shift into survival mode. Like a deer in the headlights, our brains direct all our mental and physical energy toward dealing with the immediate threat until it’s gone. In normal situations, this state fades over time. Trauma isn't just something we experience after being in a warzone or in a violent situation, we can be traumatized by our relationships.