Therapy, Explained by Moths
“So, you just…talk?”
This is a common reaction that many people have when thinking about therapy. Can “just talking” really be that helpful? While therapists may wish to defend the field as being more than “just talking”, I would like to offer a perspective that speaks to how powerful talking to someone can really be.
Humans have a long history of utilizing metaphor and observation of other living beings to understand and express ourselves, a sentiment especially embraced in many indigenous cultures where animals and insects are regarded as our relatives that we can learn from. A common example is the expression that one can feel like a “moth drawn to a flame”, conveying a sense that a person is irresistibly drawn to something or someone despite the potential of getting stuck in patterns, compromising their health, or outright harm. It comes from how often we witness moths fly into campfires or encircle artificial lights at night until they die.
As outsiders, we tend to make some hasty conclusions that moths do this because they are ‘drawn’ to these sources of light because they’re ‘attracted’ to the luminosity or heat, and because they’re too simple-minded to resist being seduced. Similarly, people often reach such dispassionate explanations for themselves when they realize that they’ve struggled to break free of patterns within their own lives–whether this be drug use, unhealthy relationships, poor boundaries, difficulties in maintaining routine, and much more. Frequently people then conclude that this keeps happening in their life because they’re weak, lazy, stupid, self-sabotaging, or a failure; and subsequently they lose hope that life could be different.
However, research published in Nature back in January of 2024 may allow us to have empathy for moths, and if we’re open to it, empathy for ourselves. Scientists got genuinely curious and explored why this behavior is seen so frequently in moths and what they discovered is that moths are not ‘attracted’ or ‘drawn’ to these artificial sources of light at all. Sadly, they are actually trapped.
Moths have evolved photosensitive cells on their backs that allow them to orient themselves when flying and give them a sense of ‘up’, with their back instinctively turning to the brightest part of their surroundings–which at night, has historically been the sky. That is, until humans came along with fire and other sources of artificial light. By using highly sensitive cameras, scientists were able to observe that because of this evolved response moths automatically rotate their bodies causing their backs to continuously face these sources of artificial light, entrapping them in potential death spirals*. So rather than being drawn to a flame or being simple-minded, moths are actually working very hard to create change–just as humans do. It’s just that they have a powerful force at play that they are seemingly unaware of and that keeps them stuck.
Unfortunately, due to our inability to communicate with moths, we cannot introduce this knowledge into their awareness and so they keep struggling and spiraling despite their best efforts. We can fantasize though how different things would be if they had this awareness about themselves. If only moths knew this about themselves, they might close their wings for a moment to drop out and away from the source of artificial light and live to see another night. Humans are more fortunate in this regard, and therapy can be a great option for discovering unconscious factors about ourselves that contribute to the patterns most impactful in our lives.
This is where the power of “just talking” truly shines, as family histories, past relationships, internal narratives, cultural forces, and other lived experiences can shape us in ways that we’re not consciously aware of on our own.
Once we have understood ourselves in a different way though, we may make different choices–choices that we were far less likely to realize were even possible.
So if you’ve ever felt stuck in your life despite your best efforts, consider that like the moth it’s not because you’re simple-minded or a failure. If you can talk to someone who is genuinely curious, non-judgmental, and recognizes your effort, you may be surprised by what you learn about yourself and where that awareness can take you.
For moths, awareness could mean the difference between life and death. What could it mean for you? For any of us.
*If you feel sad for moths like I do, consider turning your outdoor lights off for a little bit at night. There will always be more insects that will come around, but it’ll at least give the ones currently trapped an opportunity to escape. Sometimes we all just need a little help.
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About The Author
Ryan Parino, AMFT is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Whole Wellness Therapy. Ryan’s past experiences include working as a residential counselor at a group home for teenage youth, being a sexual health tester and counselor, providing peer suicide intervention support, and co-facilitating groups for grief, LGBTQ+ family support, and for men living with HIV. Ryan’s work is collaborative, trauma-informed, and non-judgmental. Ryan is an especially good fit for adults seeking support around developmental trauma, existential dread, addiction, depression, anxiety and sexuality.
