Fearing the Fear – How Learning About the Nervous System Can Help Cope With Emotions
I had my first panic attack when I was working in a government position. I still remember to this day that it happened out of the blue, and in front of a lot of people. I was walking in between cubicles and all of the sudden my chest started heaving, I started to sweat, and I was crying. I didn’t know what was happening to me. At the time, I did not know it was a panic attack, but it sure felt like a death to my confidence. People came rushing up to me when all I wanted was space. I wanted the space to figure out what was going on. This propelled a long journey with panic attacks, fears, and phobias. The view of myself as capable had shifted, and fear was ruling my life and calling everything into question. In my journey to emotional, physical and spiritual wellness I came across the Polyvagal Theory, created by Dr. Stephen Porges. This theory explains how we can map our nervous system, and gave me the context that I needed to gain a sense of empowerment.
The Autonomic Ladder
According to the Polyvagal Theory, there are three states in the nervous system, and they build off one another.
Ventral Vagal – The first rung on the autonomic ladder. This is the nervous system state where we feel safe, connected and the possibility of empowerment. This state allows us to think creatively and find the resources we require to meet our needs.
Sympathetic Arousal – I like to think of this in terms of a classic survival response – fight or flight. When we are no longer rooted in a sense of safety, we feel driven to get our needs met. This can bring feelings of anxiety or anger in the body, and it is challenging to relax when in this state.
Dorsal Vagal Shutdown – The last step in the ladder and moves us out of the sympathetic arousal state. This is a protective state, that stops us from feeling the constant physical distress that we can feel in the sympathetic arousal state. I like to think of this as the “playing possum” part of the nervous system, which allows us to disconnect and detach from a (or many) perceived threat(s). Feelings in this state can include despair, numbness and shame.
Understanding the Nervous System though a Narrative Lens
Humans are narrative creatures, and we make meaning of the experiences that we have in our lives. Our nervous system is no different. Our nervous system state (Ventral Vagal, Sympathetic, and Dorsal Vagal Shutdown) sends signaling to our brains which gets interpreted through story–the same is true for the state of our nervous system. Let’s explore the narrative of my choice, through the childhood classic fear: The monster under the bed.
Jessie is a happy kid, who had always shared a room with his big brother. Jessie had always dreamed of having his own bedroom, and one day his mom told Jessie that they were re-doing the den, and Jessie was going to get his own bedroom. Jessie was elated at this news.
Ventral Vagal Story: I am safe, I am connected to my family, and my needs will be met.
After moving into his bedroom, at night Jessie would hear a tapping under his bed – he thinks that he hears a growl too. Jessie, scared, runs out of the bedroom and asks his mom to come check out the noise. Jessie hopes that his mom will know how to make the monster leave.
Sympathetic Story: I am in danger, it is not safe, and I need to be active in solving this problem.
Jessie’s mom comes in the room and cannot find any monster. Jessie’s mom reminds Jessie that he is a “big boy” now and assures him that there is no monster. Jessie reluctantly agrees to try it out. Jessie still hears the tapping and remains feeling scared for what feels like hours in kid world. Suddenly, Jessie is not feeling any fear, and is feeling kind of numb and foggy. He feels a little defeated, and thinks “there’s no point in trying to find this monster, no one will believe me anyways. Maybe if I just lay really still the monster won’t know I’m here.” Then Jessie goes to sleep.
Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Story: I give up, I need to disconnect from my current circumstance, and it is better not to feel right now.
Jessie’s story shows us how we can dip into different nervous systems states, depending on the level of threat our nervous system perceives. Jessie’s story also shows us how his nervous system states influenced the thoughts/stories that his brain was relaying. For example, when Jessie hears the monster under the bed, he isn’t going to be thinking a Ventral Vagal thought of “life is good” or “I’m so grateful for this room.” He is going to be thinking “OH MY GOSH, THERE IS A FREAKING MONSTER UNDER MY BED” or “how can I defeat, or get someone to defeat this monster?!” – which is part of that sympathetic activation. When Jessie is unsuccessful at having mom get the monster out of the room, or getting mom to believe Jessie, he would not be thinking a Ventral Vagal story of “I can’t wait for school tomorrow.” Instead, he’s going to be thinking “I give up” or have the mind disconnect from that monster as a safety mechanism – Dorsal Vagal Shutdown. It is important to note, it is likely he would get comfort the next day and process his feelings that were in Sympathetic Activation and Dorsal Vagal Shutdown, but not all of us are so lucky. Sometimes aspects of ourself can get stuck in Sympathetic Activation or Dorsal Vagal Shutdown for days, months or even years.
Panic Attacks – The Monster Under my Bed
After learning about the nervous system states, I learned that I was approaching my panic attacks (and fears in general) like they were the monster under Jessie’s bed. At first, I went into Sympathetic Activation, and wanted to flee the panic attack. When the panic attacks kept happening, I threw myself into researching panic attacks, even if that meant sacrificing connecting with others around me (Ventral Vagal). Eventually I had become in complete Dorsal Vagal Shutdown, and wanted to avoid any environment that I might have a panic attack in. I would often feel very down and unmotivated – the same way I would if there was a monster under my bed that wouldn’t go away.
Changing the Approach to Fear is Empowering
Now when I notice I am feeling fearful, or concerned panic will set in, I notice the stories that are floating around my brain and body. I see if I am in Sympathetic Activation, and am having thoughts like “Oh no, I am getting worked up,” or “I need to get rid of this right away.” I also notice if I am in Dorsal Vagal Shutdown and am having thoughts like “I will never get over this,” or “I need to stay in my bed all day.” Once I notice that I am in Sympathetic Activation or Dorsal Vagal Shutdown I will stop what I’m doing and remember: My thoughts are a product of my nervous system state. I will then gently remind myself that I am not under threat, and fear and panic are okay to feel – there is no monster under my bed. I then notice that a peace and surrender begins to settle within.
My Invitation to You – Turning to New Possibilities
I invite you to notice the nervous system state that you are in in any given moment and notice when it feels like a monster is under your bed. In the moment you realize that you are in Sympathetic Activation or Dorsal Vagal Shutdown, I invite you to ask yourself “What if I was okay right now?” or “What if it is okay to feel this way?” Asking a “What if” question turns us to the realm of possibilities, which invites the soothing Ventral Vagal state into our life – which can be a balm on any fearful heart.
About The Author
Candace Childers, ASW Candace uses a trauma-informed approach when working with clients, and had several trainings and experience in body-based and psychosensory techniques, including brainspotting, safe and sound protocol, nurturing touch technique, and expressive art therapies. Candace also draws on theoretical frameworks of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Narrative Therapy, Polyvagal Theory, and Eco-therapy. Candace is particularly good fit for children, adults and families needing support with trauma symptoms, complex PTSD, panic, fears and phobias, anxiety/depression, self-esteem issues, creative blocks and performance anxiety, family stress, chronic stress including chronic pain, and emotional control.
